The word disgust now carries new meaning
the guttural sound
of a shovel hitting a rock
of my heart wrenching itself away
trying to find a different, peaceful reality in which to settle
with the inner knowledge that its restlessness is permanent
Oh David
How your very name has changed to me
the sum of all grief and pain in the world
the bitterness of good memories and respect
and dependence
I have no room in my heart for any more pain or otherwise
it’s shrunk in a futile effort to protect itself
from the future it knows with certainty will come
bursting, pushing out
breaking the seams that barely represent it now
so sad
pathetic
futile
a wasted effort
sad
what a small word
1995-0412