There are many small children here at this late hour, running barefoot in the sand, jumping in the waves, shrieking with glee at the cold. I think of all the years I missed, could never have, and my vision blurs. He would’ve been quite a terror then.
The sky continues to turn red, and I think of his face as the last grasps, gasps for breath racked his body. God, let him sleep it all away.
The sun over the mountains is like a lure, showing me a path, red, but stopping on top of the waves. To where?
The sun hasn’t set yet, it’s just been hiding behind these dark clouds. Can’t you let me have grief? A Pepsi mixed with roughly 6 shots of Jamesons, and nothing. Can’t I sleep, please? It doesn’t even take the edge off. Stupid, immature, but God, I need a break from all this. Please let me sleep!
The sky is now even more beautiful. Damn it, the loss.
I look at the mountains and the kiss of red fading behind them and feel forever. The abyss of the sky seems so engulfing, not the flat blue of my childhood.
1995-0426